Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things (which includes a fulfilling marriage!) shall be added (Matthew 6:33)
There is a large vacuum in our heart that only God can meet, and when we try to force our marriage partner to fill this “God vacuum” in our heart, he/she will be unable to meet it and both of us will be disappointed in our marriage. But as we seek God with all of our hearts, come to know Him and His voice, and be obedient to Him, it will open the door to a fulfilling life, an important part of which is a successful marriage.
What is success in marriage? What is God’s will for our marital union? Man and woman have been created to be intimate and loved by each other. It is God’s purpose for each marriage partner to be “completed” by the other, and for each one to walk in intimacy with God and with each other. God of course must be first and there are some needs only He can meet.
All of life is based on cause and effect, sowing and reaping, and giving and receiving! God has success principles that apply to every area of our life, including marriage. These principles will cause healing to come to our marriages.
If we apply these God ordained principles, even really bad marriages can be healed, and good marriages can be raised to a level of excellence if both partners will cooperate with the Lord. IN MOST CASES, one marriage partner, by following God-given principles, can turn a marriage around. You can do it. Our focus should be on meeting our marriage partner’s need—not thinking, I will change when he changes!” This is the thinking that has caused the divorce rate even among Christians to increase to 50%!
Be sure to discover your marriage partner’s number one love language and see that it gets met. Then expect some wonderful changes in your relationships!
As pointed out in Gary Chapman’s excellent book on marriage, “The Five Love Languages, there are five emotional love languages, five ways of showing your love for a person. The important thing is to understand which of these languages of love your marriage partner will understand as love.
Knowing your partner’s number one (and number two) love language is the key to a greatly improved marriage. See www.familyfirst/net/marriage/fivelovelang.asp
When you fulfill your partner’s love needs, he or she will change and begin to fulfill your needs. You will be applying the spiritual law of sowing and reaping mentioned above. It is a law. It will work!
So learn her/his number one and also her/his number two love languages and fulfill his/her need in that area. Then over a period of three to six months expect to see major changes in your marriage partner.
With this in mind, let’s examine some of these love languages.
1. **Words of Affirmation. Verbal compliments are powerful expressions of love. Overlook faults as much as possible and focus on the good points of your spouse. Examples: Thank her for washing the dishes. Thank her for doing the laundry today. Thank him for washing the car. Say to him/her, “You always keep the house so clean. You do a great job raising the children. You work hard and the money you earn is such a blessing.” It is powerful when we stop criticizing and start affirming with verbal compliments! Let’s do it! But remember find out what your marriage partner’s number one love language is. It might be “Quality Time” or it might be “Service” or one of the other languages.
2. Quality time. This is what most women want. Spend time together talking and doing things together. Don’t look at TV while eating dinner. Maintain eye contact. Listen to what she or he is saying. Husbands, take your wife out to eat. Date her! Find out what makes her happy and she will make you happy.
3. Gifts. Gifts are not just expensive items, but could be a 50 cent flower, some candy, a birthday card, a dinner out, which would also be “quality time.”
4. Women often want: Acts of Service. Helping with house cleaning, the dishes, , washing the car and fixing meals. Also teaching and disciplining the children.
5. **Physical touch (and marital intimacy) Most men want to touch and be touched. Done correctly, it can be a wonderful way of expressing love. Holding your wife’s hand, touching her shoulder or arm … all can be acts of genuine love. A regular passionate sex life is usually a powerful part of this love language for men and fairly often for women.
For a woman, when she is upset, men, avoid logic, or sexual advances. Just hold her lovingly. This is the “touch” she needs at that moment.
A regular sexual relationship is of great importance in marriages. The marriage partners should make every effort to rate an A+ in this area. Keep the romance in your marriage.
All five love languages are important, but as you focus on the number one and to a lesser extent on number two of your marriage partner’s love languages, you can expect exciting changes in your marriage. You will see the “Law of Sowing and Reaping” work wonders. Talk to your husband/wife now and write down your number one and number two love languages, and also that of your marriage partner.
Marriage changing prayer: “I lay down on the altar of God all the conditions that I am expecting my spouse to meet. I choose to give 100% of my heart to my marriage partner from this day forth.”
Life changing prayer: To Father God:
“Father, in Jesus Name, I willingly lay down on Your Altar all the conditions that I was expecting You to meet. I choose to give 100 per cent of my heart to You from this day forth. I will be Your servant and Your friend. You will be my God.
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John Chappell, The Chappell Ministries, Inc.
PO Box 172, Bartow, FL 33831, Email JChap777@aol.com Web www.laughcry.org